What You See in the Dark Page 12

  “Actors can interfere to a degree if they overplay. I don’t like actors placing too many emotions that aren’t there. It’s the audience that should feel sad or frightened or angry, don’t you agree? I think I’ve done my job well if the audience responds in that way.”

  “If I may be so bold, then,” she said, “what, really, is there left for me to do, as an actress?”

  “Well, your character has done a terrible thing. You’ve lied and you’re a thief, yet I want the audience to have some sympathy for you, to always consider you the heroine. Even when the police are chasing you, I want the audience to be rooting for your escape. How you do that will be up to you. I don’t know anything about acting. I just know who’s right for the part. Instinct tells me. So do the terms of the contract.”

  She chuckled. The driver slowed down as he approached a cluster of motels, each of them announcing themselves with large neon signs already turned on against the coming dusk. The Mountainview, which faced north to the flat stretch of the rest of the Valley. The NiteNite and the Anchor Motel, surrounded on all sides by dirt and gravel.

  “The Mountainview has a big, handsome sign,” said the Actress. Its large blue neon arrow descended straight down, narrowing to a point that curved to the driveway entrance and the motel’s name in bold white letters.

  “Lovely facade,” said the Director. “It looks like what you’d picture if one said the word ‘motel,’ don’t you think? But the name’s all wrong.”

  “I like the sound,” said the Actress.

  “It’s not the sound. It’s the name. If I showed that sign on the screen, some fool in the audience is going to wonder where the mountain is.”

  The Actress turned and pointed out the back window. “There’s a mountain there.”

  “No, no,” said the Director. “You had to turn around to see that. It would break the composition to show that angle. You want the approach from the road, the motel sign, and then what happens in the motel. No one cares about the road scenery on the way to the place.” The Director leaned forward to get a better look at the other two motels. “Let’s go farther along the road.”

  “What’s wrong with these two?”

  “The NiteNite is a terrible name for an inn. Doesn’t sound very classy, does it? Even for a truck driver. And a place called the Anchor should be near water. Florida, cotton candy colors, and all that.”

  Not much farther down the access road, a large, assuming rectangular sign came into view: watson’s inn, it read, and the Director tapped on the front seat to get Carter to slow down.

  “Should I pull in?” Carter asked.

  “Why not?” said the Director, even though the driveway was quite close to the front office. The driveway was level with the road, rather than sloped downward as at the other motels, and though the parking lot looked tight, there was plenty of space for larger trucks. Two long buildings sat at V-shaped angles to each other, facing the traffic, a front porch running along the entire length of each facade, the windows of each room with curtains pulled back to let in the light. In the gap between the buildings, a glimpse of two more units facing the other direction, away from the road, quiet.

  “This one is perfect,” said the Actress with assurance.

  The Director stayed silent, but he was clearly taking it in. Carter idled for a moment before the Actress nodded at him slightly to put the car in park and cut the engine. When the motor shuddered quiet, the silence broken only by the occasional passing car, the Actress knew she’d picked the right one.

  “I do hope the photographer spotted this one,” the Director said. “You’ve got a good eye.”

  Over to the side, from a small house with its facade angled toward the motel buildings, a screen door swung open, and a woman stood on the steps looking at them for a moment before starting down to greet them.

  “Driver, we should probably get along and not bother this woman,” said the Director.

  “That’s awfully rude,” said the Actress when Carter turned on the engine. “We can politely tell her we’re leaving. She’s making her way down here.”

  “You have a good eye,” said the Director, “but I can see you’ve never had to deal with people.”

  “Cut the engine, Carter,” said the Actress, rolling down the window. She stopped midway when she got a look at the woman coming toward her. Was it the color of the woman’s waitress uniform? Or was it the way the woman looked back at her, a slight hesitation in her step at the recognition, even though the window was rolled down only halfway. She could not, the Actress knew, stay half-hidden, and so she continued turning the handle until the woman could see clearly into the car.

  There was a point when the woman knew exactly who the Actress was, and she stopped almost midstride, close enough to the car to speak without having to raise her voice.

  “You … ,” the woman said.

  The Director leaned in to the Actress to whisper as low as he could. “You know this woman?”

  “Good evening,” the Actress said, but her words came out with a nervousness she did not intend, and she could see the woman bend down a little to see who else was in the car. She seemed a bit taken aback when she saw the Director in the backseat.

  “You’re movie people … ,” the woman said.

  “Yes,” said the Actress. “You see, we’re in Bakersfield scouting sites for a new film …”

  “I asked you in the café if you … ,” said the woman, shaking her head. “You lied to me.”

  “I apologize for that. I really do,” said the Actress. “It’s something I must do, just to be in public.”

  The woman folded her arms. Though she stood a bit away from the car, there was no mistaking that she was small framed, her thin brown hair pulled tight in a bun, her eyes souring at them in distrust, her mouth pursing downward. “Do you know you had all those young girls riled up? I’ll look like an old schoolmarm for telling them to hush up about you.”

  “I really do apologize. I hope you understand.”

  “What is it you’re doing out here?” the woman asked. “On my property.”

  “Well, we’re scouting sites for a motel—for the film—and this looks like a superior location, compared to the others we’ve seen in the area.”

  The woman leaned a bit to take a look at the Director, but the Actress could feel him settling back in his seat, as if he didn’t want to speak at all. The woman glanced at the driver, her uncertainty and suspicion only deepening.

  “Let her know we compensate,” the Director whispered.

  “We’d pay you a bit,” said the Actress. “Just to look at the rooms and the layout. Take a few pictures. We can send someone out tomorrow.”

  The woman made as if to go back to the house, dropping her arms from her body, shaking her head. She turned back to them. “I don’t think so.”

  “May I ask why?” the Actress called out after her.

  “To be honest,” said the woman, “I don’t like dealing with liars.”

  “Tell her we’ll compensate handsomely,” the Director said.

  “I do think we could manage a nice compensation,” said the Actress. “For all your time.”

  “You Los Angeles people …” The woman shook her head. “You think money solves everything. You’re so goddamn money-grubbing. You could’ve just rented a room and scouted all you want when I wasn’t looking.”

  “Just let her go,” said the Director.

  “Thank you for your time,” the Actress said, and started to roll up the window.

  The woman took a few steps back toward the car. “You know, if you hadn’t lied about who you were …” Her voice rose as in a pitch of anger, firm yet cracked through with a pain so apparent that the Actress wanted to hold the sound in her fingers, a small, angry pulse in her hands.

  “We’re very sorry to have bothered you, ma’am,” said the Actress, rolling up the window with a rush, muffling the woman’s words, and she urged Carter to get them going.

  The woman
reached the car and rapped at the window with a flat palm, but they couldn’t hear what she was saying, and Carter pulled away with enough of a rush to kick up some of the gravel, the Actress staring straight ahead in a bit of embarrassment, yet at the same time filled with a need to turn back to see how the woman had been left standing.

  “Awfully defensive,” said the Director. “Whatever was she talking about?”

  “In the café,” said the Actress. “She was our waitress, the hostess. Did you see her, Carter?”

  “I did, ma’am.”

  “What was she angry about?” asked the Director.

  “She recognized me and I told her she was mistaken,” said the Actress, and yet while she saw that such an exchange shouldn’t have warranted such a reaction, something else about the woman lingered with her, a strange understanding.

  “So unpleasant,” said the Director. “In any case, I’m sure the set decorator can put together a typical room from a few photographs. It’s an easy layout to copy. Flat, rectangular. Nothing complex.”

  No, the Actress thought, not complex at all. Carter drove them back into Bakersfield. She put her hand to her forehead and leaned against the door, sighing audibly as if she were tired, and the Director took the hint. The ride back was quiet. She thought about the woman, her fierce response to their presence, to her small white lie. What kind of person was she to react with such defensive hurt? she wondered. The woman was a café hostess, but what was she doing at the motel? Was it a second job? No, not if she was still wearing the uniform. Perhaps she was the wife of the man who owned Watson’s Inn, an unhappy marriage, given the way the Actress had noticed the woman casting glances at her and Carter during their meal. The woman had tried to figure out if she could place her as a Hollywood star, to be sure, but she had also paid mind to the way she set down the plates in front of Carter, her eyes darting quickly to his face as if to gauge if he was pleased. A café waitress. A wife. A motel owner. A harried café waitress. A lonely wife. A desperate motel owner. She spun the words in her head, more and more of them, inventing, watching Bakersfield come into view. Who could live in this city? What brought or kept them here?

  The Actress thought of what she’d discussed with the Director that evening, about exteriors and brevity and visual cues, and she brought all this to bear on her character, the Phoenix secretary. A Phoenix secretary was not enough. For simplicity’s sake, yes. But a Phoenix secretary had an interior, too, a heart filled with dark hope and longing after she’d looked at a photograph and with justifications she’d made while lying awake in the dark. The Actress would not gloss over these things, however much she had to invent them, have hints of it flash across her face. It’s all in the eyes, the aging silent actress had told her many years ago, and she was discovering that this was truer than she ever thought possible, that the aging actress had been talking about more than just beauty all along.

  Part Two

  Eight

  The months went on and things did not change. October rolled on through November, the December gray finally blocking out the sun. As the year wore on, Arlene took notice some days of how the morning looked through the plate-glass windows. How did Bakersfield ever get through the summer heat, the intolerably white sunlight? The only thing changing was the season, but who paid attention to that? Not the girls chattering along and unfocused while the customers waited for coffee. Not Dan, still seeing the young Mexican girl from the shoe store, sometimes even daring to come into the café with her, her little shoulders sporting a new winter jacket. What could Arlene do? Did she want things to change? The farmers noted the change, though you couldn’t tell from Vernon, who still came in during the late morning, or Cal, who joined him at the counter not fifteen minutes later. They bantered with her, and the exchanges were mechanical yet soothing to Arlene, like listening to a clock. No, not much was changing except the weather, the seasons, Arlene ending her café shifts at five with the streets nearly gone dark. Her Ford was a serviceable’52, but the engine doubted itself more and more as the chill of evening settled deep all around her. She made the nervous drive home with a certainty that her headlights would fail, but they, too, held on. It was a change she wouldn’t have wanted—the need for a new car when winter was making money scarce all around the city.

  More and more, once she got back to the motel, she would find the parking lot empty and Dan nowhere to be seen. He’d taken up with that girl enough to sometimes close the front office too early in the evening, the motel mostly empty. Who knew how many customers had driven away when no one answered the knock at the front office? Tonight, the parking lot was empty for a weekend, and she knew even before she pulled up close to the front office that Dan had already left.

  Every once in a while, back at the café, Cal would read the latest news about the new highway, and she would keep up her nonchalance, acting as if she wasn’t already alarmed at the current downturn in business. What was it? The lack of paint? The two new motels nearby that had come up that summer? Was her rate in line with the rest of the city? She thought about how much worse it would get if the highway diverted the traffic away, as Cal kept insisting it would.

  Things change, she thought to herself, though this was a slow, creeping change, like water seeping underneath a door.

  This evening was going to be like every other evening. Dan had purchased a TV for her from Stewart’s Appliances, a hefty color set to appease her for his absence, but it was a complete waste in her mind, since half the programming was in black and white. These days, she’d come home from the café so exhausted that, with Dan not around to cook for, she had started buying those new frozen dinners. Turkey with gravy, corn, cranberry sauce, and rice that didn’t taste half-bad. She sat in front of the set and found a teleplay about to start, a story set in New York City about a young couple struggling for money and living in a cramped apartment, the husband a drunk who staggered around. His voice blared out of the speakers so loudly that Arlene had been tempted to get up and turn down the sound. Something was strange about the story, these city people struggling like small-town folk, when everything she’d seen about the big city dazzled with easy luxury. Arlene watched with mild interest, turning every once in a while to the parking lot, which remained empty of customers, until she realized that the characters were never going to leave their shoddy apartment, were never going to step out into the glamour she’d seen in magazine spreads. She turned the set off, wrapped a sweater over her shoulders, and walked out to sit on the porch.

  Those were the days, she thought, when she could feel change coming. Sitting on the porch as a little girl, her mother trying to retell a story, but all along they had been waiting for her brother. She rubbed her arms against the chill, but it wasn’t just the cold—it was the knowing, the thought of her young self anticipating her mother’s anxiety, wanting to live with it somehow. How had she known such a thing, at her age, going out to the porch at one in the morning because she knew that, come dawn, her brother would be standing at the edge of the dirt road that passed in front of their farmhouse, the Sierra Nevada bright gold in the east, and her mother running to him, crying and smoothing his hair just like she had done to Arlene, and no one in the family saying anything about where he had been?

  What would her brother have made of how big Bakersfield had become? He had gone off to Los Angeles after his release from prison, but he had never returned. Just like her husband, Frederick. Her brother had left so long ago that hardly anyone remembered that she had a sibling. She thought of this, how she hid the fact under her tongue, how she rarely told anyone that her own blood had once been in prison. She remembered how everyone from the nearby farms had gathered in the early afternoon to welcome her brother home, his long bus trip from up past Sacramento to Bakersfield. They had led him to the backyard, and the men sat squat-style in a circle, drinking beer, her brother the beginning and the end of the loop, the one who balanced on his haunches the longest without having to get up to stretch. “Prison will harden
you to stand anything,” he had bragged, the men laughing, but his voice carried over to her and settled inside like the smoke from his cigarettes, one after the other. He lit one up as a signal to the rest of the men that he didn’t feel like talking, that he’d rather listen to the stories of their years, all that time he’d been locked away.

  How much time, Arlene thought as she stared out at the empty parking lot, had he actually been gone?

  Those men had spent the entire afternoon like that, the sun coming down and the men still talking, the cigarettes glowing in the dusk. There had been a lot of ground to cover. There had been a lot of ways to say how unfair her brother had had it.

  Come along, her mother had said, her hand on Arlene’s head. It’s getting late. Night had come. The ashes in the pit had died down, the food long ago eaten. All the men stayed, dark shadows with dark orange glows.

  Arlene had heard them as she lay on the floor in the living room, her eyes once again looking out past the open front door of their old farmhouse, past the porch, and fixing on the dark road outside. The men’s faint talking filled her with a vague comfort, knowing that the dark was not so lonely.

  When she had opened her eyes, it was dawn. The front yard was quiet. Her mother was not yet awake. Arlene rose and walked to the kitchen, the open back door. A light dew on the grass, beer bottles strewn everywhere, and the men long gone home. She had never even heard them leave.

  Down the hallway, the door to her brother’s room was wide open. Arlene stood in the quiet of the house, looking down the hallway, a chill that she found soothing in the morning air, how it had seeped inside, the doors open for the cross breeze. She stood long enough to listen to the house settle, a creak in the wood somewhere in the roof. She stood and looked down the hallway at the open door to her brother’s bedroom, wondering if he was actually in there or if he’d gone off with the men for more drinking. The answer was right there, just a quiet tiptoe down the hall, the door already open. But instead, Arlene kept standing there, taking in the unfamiliar and delicious chill to the morning air. She was understanding that it did not matter if her brother was in that room right then. Her mother loved him. All that mattered was that he had returned and that life was going to change in their house.